• Contact Us
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Use
  • DMCA
Thursday, February 2, 2023
TheGreatNews.com
  • Home
  • MINDSET
  • WELL BEING
  • POSITIVE NEWS
  • WISDOM
  • PURPOSE
  • NEW TECHNOLOGIES
  • More Topics
    • ENTREPRENEUR
    • GREEN ENERGIES
    • SUCCESS
    • GOOD LIFE
No Result
View All Result
  • Home
  • MINDSET
  • WELL BEING
  • POSITIVE NEWS
  • WISDOM
  • PURPOSE
  • NEW TECHNOLOGIES
  • More Topics
    • ENTREPRENEUR
    • GREEN ENERGIES
    • SUCCESS
    • GOOD LIFE
No Result
View All Result
TheGreatNews.com
No Result
View All Result

People-Pleasers Are Liars: 3 Things We Gain When We’re Honest Instead

in WISDOM
Reading Time: 5 mins read
A A
People-Pleasers Are Liars: 3 Things We Gain When We’re Honest Instead
Share Share Share Share Share

Related articles

Don’t Wait to Open Your Heart: There Is Only Time For Love

Exploring Minimalism: Why Getting Rid of Stuff Won’t Make You Happy

“You’re a liar. People-pleasers are liars,” a friend said to me. I felt like I was punched in the gut. “You say yes when you mean no. You say it’s okay when it’s not okay.” My friend challenged me, “In your gentle way, begin to be more honest.”

I believed the lie that pleasing people would make my relationships better. It didn’t.

I decided to take my friend’s challenge to tell the truth. People didn’t have a relationship with me; they had a relationship with another version of someone else. They didn’t know me.

People-pleasing was safe; it was how I hid and protected myself so I could belong. Besides wanting to belong, pleasing-people is a bargain for love. If I kept people happy, I believed I would be loved. If I took care of others, I believed I would be loved.

Showing up differently in relationships is like learning a new dance. You may feel clumsy and awkward at first, but the old dance, while comfortable, is unhealthy. The old dance creates overwhelm, frustration, and resentment.

I am now a recovering people-pleaser. My journey started when I faced the truth that I was a liar. The first step in change begins with self-awareness. Once you are aware, you can learn new dance steps. The new dance looked like saying no, tolerating less, and telling my truth.

As I told the truth, here’s what I noticed in my relationships:

First, I experienced true intimacy.

As I was more engaged in being honest, others began to know me, not a fake version of me.

In his book, Seven Levels of Intimacy, Matthew Kelly describes intimacy as “In-to-me-see.” pI started saying things I’d never felt comfortable saying before—like “I see things differently” and “that doesn’t work for me.” Secret-keeping was killing my soul, so I also started opening up about the pain and brokenness I felt regarding my former spouse’s addiction and how I’d protected him at a cost to myself.

When we share more of who we are with others, then we are known and loved, which is a powerful need in humans. I was not broken as a people-pleaser but broken open. I allowed myself to receive the love of others as I allowed them to see me. As a result, I experienced intimacy in a new way.

Secondly, when we stop lying to others and ourselves, it builds trust.

It is hard to love someone when you don’t trust them. Trust is the foundation of all relationships. When we are real, others trust our words and actions, and we become more trustworthy. We are no longer chameleons, adapting and saying what others want to hear when interacting with us, and trust grows.

Lastly, when we pay attention to being more real, we are more fully engaged in our relationships.

We are wired for connection. When we are engaged in bringing a greater depth to our relationships, the investment pays off. It’s like we are making a deposit in the relationship when we allow others to “see us,” and they in turn feel closer to us. As I began to share more in my relationships, it helped others to open up. One friend said, “Keep sharing; it helps us too!”

—

Being more honest in our relationships is a dance worth learning. It improves intimacy, trust, and closeness in our relationships. After all, the alternative is being called a liar!

About Trina Stutzman

Trina Stutzman is not a guru on a mountaintop, but a guide by your side who empowers individuals to stop lying and tell the truth. She is a recovering people-pleaser who uses her mess to convey a message that the world needs YOU, not some other version of you. She is an author who wrote the book,12 Steps to Overcome People-Pleasing. She is a self-proclaimed Midwife of the Soul and Holistic Life Coach. You could contact her via her website.

See a typo or inaccuracy? Please contact us so we can fix it!


Credit: Source link

ShareTweetSendPinShare
Previous Post

Back to school routines are better with Alexa and Google

Next Post

The Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic remake has a new developer

Related Posts

Don’t Wait to Open Your Heart: There Is Only Time For Love

Don’t Wait to Open Your Heart: There Is Only Time For Love

August 28, 2022

“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.”...

Exploring Minimalism: Why Getting Rid of Stuff Won’t Make You Happy

Exploring Minimalism: Why Getting Rid of Stuff Won’t Make You Happy

August 25, 2022

“Not what we have but what we enjoy constitutes our abundance.” ~Epicurus Minimalism is the lifestyle of removing the clutter from one’s life to make room...

How I Stopped Chasing Men Who Hurt Me and Found Healthy Love

How I Stopped Chasing Men Who Hurt Me and Found Healthy Love

August 24, 2022

“There are two things you should never waste your time on: things that don’t matter and people who think that you don’t matter.” ~Ziad K. Abdelnour  ...

4 Anxiety-Calming Techniques I Wish I Used When I Freaked Out on a Plane

4 Anxiety-Calming Techniques I Wish I Used When I Freaked Out on a Plane

August 23, 2022

“When thinking about life, remember this: No amount of guilt can solve the past, and no amount of anxiety can change the future.” ~Unknown I was...

How to Deal With Low Moods: A 4-Step Plan to Help You Feel Better

How to Deal With Low Moods: A 4-Step Plan to Help You Feel Better

August 21, 2022

“And some days life is just hard. And some days are just rough. And some days you just gotta cry before you move forward. And all...

Next Post
The Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic remake has a new developer

The Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic remake has a new developer

Sony’s PlayStation VR2 headset is coming in early 2023

Sony’s PlayStation VR2 headset is coming in early 2023

HBO calls House of the Dragon its biggest premiere ever, with nearly 10 million US viewers

HBO calls House of the Dragon its biggest premiere ever, with nearly 10 million US viewers

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Weekly Updates

Best Side Hustles in Real Estate to Earn Profits 

Best Side Hustles in Real Estate to Earn Profits 

January 30, 2023
TheGreatNews.com

This is an online news portal that aims to provide the latest updates about mindset, well being, positive news, wisdom, purpose, new technologies, entrepreneur, green energy, success, good life and stuff like that around the world. Feel free to get in touch with us!

© 2021 - TheGreatNews.com - All rights reserved!

  • Contact Us
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Use
  • DMCA
No Result
View All Result
  • Home
  • MINDSET
  • WELL BEING
  • POSITIVE NEWS
  • WISDOM
  • PURPOSE
  • NEW TECHNOLOGIES
  • More Topics
    • ENTREPRENEUR
    • GREEN ENERGIES
    • SUCCESS
    • GOOD LIFE

© 2021 - TheGreatNews.com - All rights reserved!