On one hand, things are seriously fucked up basically all over the world. Everyone feels like they’re going crazy and nothing makes any sense anymore. But on the other hand, young people have collectively decided to dress in their nicest clothes to see Minions: The Rise of Gru this weekend. That has to even the scales a little, right?
Young people are also digging holes at the beach, inviting literally all of their coworkers to lunch, and dropping mind-exploding freestyle raps.
Why are young people dressing in suits for ‘Minions: The Rise of Gru?’
Countless young people all over the country (and probably the world) are planning to see the premier of Minions: The Rise of Gru this weekend while wearing suits, gowns, and tuxedos. I can’t say exactly why, but it’s probably because school’s out, there’s not much happening, and it’s funny to pretend you’re taking the opening of a cookie-cutter kids movie very seriously.
Whether the trend will spread when the movie opens to the general public remains to be seen, but the number of videos of youngster in semi-formal attire attending early screenings of Gru (or at least saying they’re attending early screenings of Gru) that have been posted before the movie has even been released is truly impressive.
I fully support this going viral. Teenagers and ‘tweens can be annoying, but it’s worth tolerating it for the absurdity they inject into this gray and wicked world. So if you see a scrum of 12 year-olds rocking three-piece suits and gowns at the movies this weekend, don’t look down your nose at ‘em, Pops; yell “cheerio!” instead.
Dating remains an “endless, miserable cycle”
Shockingly, the shift in acceptable standards for how men and women talk to one another doesn’t seem to be making romance any easier. Instead, dating/meeting new people has become annoying in a new way.
The problem, if I can paraphrase this video from TikToker @ari_mjx, is that respectful men have (finally) gotten the message that women generally don’t like it when strange dudes hit on them in public, but weird and/or creepy dudes don’t actually care how a hot woman on the subway feels about their approach.
“All the nice respectable men don’t want to bother us, so they never talk to us in person,” Ari says in her video. “But all the jerks don’t give a shit and they’re the ones who approach us. So we’re like ‘don’t approach us,’ and all the nice guys are like ’Ok, we won’t,’ and it’s just an endless miserable cycle.”
This is why I only date robots.
TikToker says: Ask everyone at work to lunch
Younger people are changing office culture in consequential ways. Men can’t sexually harass people as much, things are getting less formal, remote work is expected—but there are some changes that may go too far. Like TikToker @dongarkarmitej, who posted a video of a lonely dude eating lunch in his car with the words “Always invite ALL coworkers to lunch. Don’t leave anyone out please.”
Wait, everyone? Can’t I draw a line at that guy who wears those shoes with individual toes?
Commenters on the viral idea are mixed, with some responding like, “YES I’m so sorry! That’s adult bullying tbh,” where others say things like, “I’m not getting paid for lunch so I’m going to choose who I spend it with sorry.”
Is this the result of the first generation who got serious anti-bullying teaching in school hitting the workplace? Or just common courtesy? Either way, I’m happy I work from home. I don’t even invite my cat to eat lunch with me.
People digging holes at the beach: TikTok is to blame
Just about every news service in the state of Florida is posting a warning about a shocking new trend that’s spreading in the state. Spurred on by a TikTok video challenge, young scofflaws are going to beaches and digging holes in the sand. (I’ll give you a moment to recover your dropped monocles.)
To be fair, the holes are pretty deep, so officials are taking this seriously. “The real problem isn’t the holes, it’s the sharpened punji sticks smeared with ox feces these kids put at the bottom of them,” a Florida police official did not say. “It’s worse than ‘Nam,” they did not add.
Actually, there’s no law that says you can’t dig a really deep hole at the beach. (Yet. I assume it’s on the next Supreme Court docket) But officials are advising hole-diggers that adorable baby turtles could get trapped in the pits they dig, so they should leave the beach as they found it. “I don’t care if they dig to China, just fill it in before they leave,” Florida beach-goer Allison Ward said.
Viral video of the week: Healing Your Pain—Harry Mack Omegle Bars 67
It’s weird that one of the greatest freestyle rappers on earth is a white guy in his 30s with a YouTube channel, but once you’ve seen what Harry Mack does, it’s hard to deny—dude’s good enough to impress and inspire Kendrick Lamar. Mack does a lot of different kinds of freestyle-oriented videos, but my favorite are his “Omegle Bars” vids. The viral video of the week is typical of this series: Mack logs on to Omegle, gets a few words from the randos he connects with, then proceeds to blow their fucking wigs with intricate, improvisational rap that’s so good it seems like magic. This is number 67 in the series, and they keep getting better. Even if you don’t like hip hop at all, it’ll be impossible to stop your jaw from dropping when you see this guy, so if you do nothing else today but weep into your coffee cup, check out his latest video.
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